Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
