fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
