I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
