Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
