I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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