just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
