I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
