Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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