i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
