my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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