apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
