woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
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Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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