Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
