YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
