the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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