I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
