Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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