Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
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I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
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I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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