A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
