I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
