Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
