I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
