i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
