hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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