We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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