Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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