I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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