Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
