I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
