i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
