Umm I'm too high to move.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
