cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
smell my finger.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
