omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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