i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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