Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
