remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
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Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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