I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
