my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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