Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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