I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
