Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
