K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
