Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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