i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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