These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the room spins SO much faster in panama
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
