Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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