Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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