i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
