Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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