U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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