wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
