Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
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