Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
farters have to be the big spoon...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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