i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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