the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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