i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
