I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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