just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
