haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
