I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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