i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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