hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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