so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
