I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
