if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
COCAINE IS GR8
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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